I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
