Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
