Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
