Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
