The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
