You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
