Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
where am i from again
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
