just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
