yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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