I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just forgot I was standing up.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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