Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
