Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize