Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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