in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
