I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
