I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
