whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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