How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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