a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
