Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
