I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
