Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
