i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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