Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
