i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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