Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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