I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have aggressive nipples.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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