I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Someone came in the potted fern
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
