I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
