Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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