Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She announced her abortion via fbk
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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