i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
