your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
