Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
