she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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