i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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