also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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