the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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