and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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