Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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