So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
