i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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