All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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