singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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