as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Help. Why am I so naked?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
