Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize