you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
