Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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