My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
