its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
