Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
