my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He better not be in your backpack
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
