Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize