He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
