It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
