did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize