I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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