you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
