I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
