I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This is my gift to your gina
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm too high and old for this...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
