Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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