I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
