theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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