I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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