Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
