Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
