Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
