I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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