aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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