And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
