if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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