No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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