Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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