To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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