u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
