life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
