so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
