he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
