I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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