I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
