oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he puts the penis in happiness.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
