Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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