i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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